one night i lost my will to love and without doubts my reasoning i drowned i lost what i never had all for wanting to forget and i gave myself to death without saying goodbye
consumed sins in my will to perish drill my life and take away my feelings oxidized sins do not force me to live i only suffer writing the words of what i feel
i want to murder my bitter time destroy it entirely until i see it fades away i want to go to sleep and never wake up to be trapped in my disdains of endless loneliness
i am no more than a crazy poet who wants to go to sleep i want to turn off the light in my eyes and never again see i have lived plenty in such short time i have no reason to breathe life finished my desire to continue living like this
i have lost my entire soul fighting in this dark hole in my eternal pedestal i have lost every hope i walk exhausted of a life i never asked for and i will die unsettled because i could not do more
because i let my sins dominate my whole being because i escaped and ran away from my feelings because i did not fought for what i believed in because i was so weak and let my blood ran freely
this eternal time has poisoned my reasoning it has corrupted my soul without any remedy
i no longer wish to live being who i am every morning i live trapped in my fears that grow by the minute helplessly
i am not who i once was and i am ready to leave i truly want to never return to this world i want to rest in peace i have lived plenty now i only have pain hatred and suffering in my veins
my desire to live a life i never asked for has disappeared
if you had known the consequences to this you might have done things differently
i do not understand but i want to believe in you hoping that all you did was thinking of my sisters and me
i have been mad at you for so long for abandoning me blaming you for everything that happened to me blaming you for all those insults taken on me blaming you for all those times when people hurt me blaming you for not having what a kid needs since the day you left i lost everything
when you left my world fell apart you were my mother my everything all i had i needed you with me to tell me everything was going to be alright
i needed your love your company your hugs
but instead all i had was the silence of my room between the walls
i cannot remember why you left me behind what did i do wrong for you to walk out of my life so many times i thought i was not worthy to be alive if my own mother left me who would want the burden she had
today as i try to find forgiveness being broken inside i find myself full of resentment and i hate you for that i truly hope that saying ‘i forgive you’ helps us both to move on to start all over and to begin a life full of happiness on our own
i am no longer that child you left hurt and alone i am who writes this to you saying ‘thank you mom’ thank you for the life you gave your son i have learned to be me to be strong and now i have reasons to overcome the past and move on
if only you knew how much the sound of your voice hurts if only i could ignore your spoken words
you pushed me away when you danced on my wounds you ended up alone and i was left with an empty soul
you are the person who gave me life but this resentment is something you just cannot erase between you and me there is only pain deep wounds i wish one day will heal themselves
many times i promised to ask forgiveness to you and myself cold and long nights of abandonment in my corner space so many times i awaited your return but it never came people sentenced me for being the gay orphan it was my fate
biblical stories filled me with horror ignorance and violence deprived me of a better world from one place to the other without love or compassion always asking myself if that was the will of the lord
i feel alone with my soul full of rage time has not cured my deep wounds it has only intensified my pain
time has only wither my joy it has broken to pieces my spirit and my hopes
In my trip to this world, the sky falls down as it sees my fears. I don’t want to turn to the mirror, because I’m someone else I’ve never been.
I’m tired of being manipulated. I’m sick of pretending that I’m a good mannered kid. I’m rebel and I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t fake that I have no feelings; I do believe in love.
People criticize the way I talk, the way I dress and walk. I want to escape and never turn back, I’m tired of appearances; I can’t be who I am.
Too many times, I have asked the Lord, if someone loves me, because I see no one with me. I wonder if there is someone alone, so that way we could share our worlds.
I’d like to be remembered one day, I don’t want to die thinking I’ll be forgotten. I change my mind and many times, I don’t know what to do, because I’m sensible and I fear to be hurt.
People talk about me, they just say trash, I have never heard that someone loves me; I give up. I believe it would be better to take off and never come back. I can’t swim against the sea tides; I’ll let myself drown.
I’m starting to lose my mind, it claims something impossible to have. My soul wants to sell itself, it says that I’m not worthy to have its faith. My sad eyes cry as they see, that my properties don’t want to obey me.
The shiny moon sings sadly, as the day begins, because its journey ends when the sun comes out again. The bright sun angrily rules over earth, burning everything until there’s nothing but ash. People have forgotten how beautiful life is, and sadly, they let themselves fall down until they die. They make their own graves, an extinction that happened yesterday, something close to it will occur again.
Life was beautiful but not anymore, today is just a shadow that, without light, is lost. The seas are painful deserts in this world, not understandable words of verses, rhymes with tone. Now the silence has my voice, it makes this a hell where nothing’s worth anything.
I have no reason to be, the good angel I will never be. Blood on my hands means I did something wrong, now my conscience won’t leave me alone. There is no time or space to stay, I leave, goodbye there’s nothing else…