– if you had known

a poem from

walking towards happiness

 if you had known
the consequences to this
you might have done
things differently
 
i do not understand
but i want to believe in you
hoping that all you did
was thinking of my sisters and me
   
i have been mad at you for so long
for abandoning me
blaming you for everything
that happened to me
blaming you for all those insults
taken on me
blaming you for all those times
when people hurt me
blaming you for not having
what a kid needs
since the day you left
i lost everything
   
when you left
my world fell apart
you were my mother
my everything
all i had
i needed you with me
to tell me
everything was going to be alright
 
i needed your love
your company
your hugs
 
but instead
all i had
was the silence of my room
between the walls
   
i cannot remember
why you left me behind
what did i do wrong
for you to walk out of my life
so many times i thought
i was not worthy to be alive
if my own mother left me
who would want
the burden she had
   
today as i try to find forgiveness
being broken inside
i find myself full of resentment
and i hate you for that
i truly hope that saying ‘i forgive you’
helps us both to move on
to start all over
and to begin a life full of happiness
on our own
 
i am no longer that child you left
hurt and alone
i am who writes this to you
saying ‘thank you mom’
thank you for the life you gave your son 
i have learned to be me
to be strong
and now i have reasons
to overcome the past and move on
 


2019. Adric Ceneri. All right reserved.

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